Urban Chick

Chips with your spam, ma'am?

2008-02-13T11:43:00.003Z

Oooh, look. A spammer. Goes by the name of Kenny. Some clothes-makers in a former British colony have hired some poor sod in Hungary to cut and paste spam into what 'Kenny' thinks are 'fashion' blogs. Here's his IP address if you fancy blocking him: dsl5402636A.pool.t-online.hu

Tile-induced tedium

2007-08-22T14:00:00.000+01:00

We go to The Posh Tile Shop (TPTS). We know we won't be buying tiles from TPTS but we can dream, right? And we're looking for inspiration, says Mr Chick. Inspiration-hunting? Nothing to be ashamed of.TPTS is indeed quite posh. And quite expensive. And the chicklets immediately lunge for some slate tiles stacked precariously on the floor, so we don't stay long. But we buy the brochure (yes, that

Concentrating on the important issues of the day

2007-08-14T20:50:00.000+01:00

It's comforting to know that those hard-working hacks in London are making the most of their weekly press briefing with the PM's spokesperson:Asked if the Prime Minister was in his constituency whilst in Scotland, the PMS confirmed that he was working from his constituency office. Asked if the Prime Minister was now on holiday, the PMS replied that it was the first time that the Prime Minister

Isn't it annoying

2007-08-05T22:09:00.000+01:00

when people review one-off shows? What use is that to the rest of us?So. No point telling you how darned fabulous both Craig McMurdo and Humph were at the Jazz and Blues Festival then.But definitely worth mentioning the weird and wonderful Fuerzabruta. I shan't attempt a review because it's almost indescribable, but Michael Billington's is bang on the money. It's not well advised for epileptics.

The glamour of modern train travel

2007-08-01T15:57:00.000+01:00

...means that a fit of smugness about one's carbon toeprint results in one overlooking the fact that one is going to have to cross Paris on Bastille Day on the outward part of the journey and on the finale of the Tour de France on the return journey. Not recommended, even if you do have a leisurely two hour window to play with and whatever your desire to familiarise yourself with the backstreets

Blogging off

2007-07-09T22:01:00.000+01:00

for a bit, whilst I'm on holiday (here).This time hoping that Chicklet #2 will not give me cause to use the phrase 'Aura-t-il besoin d'une ligne intravenouse?'.Please do talk amongst yourselves, discussing perhaps whether it is any coincidence that the line "short little span of attention" is the section of the song 'You can call me Al' played over the footage of George W Bush on Alastair

Yesterday (in the style of JonnyB)

2007-07-06T15:23:00.000+01:00

I go to the cinema!And so to the flicks to see 'Golden Door' (my verdict: really rather good*). The poster outside forewarns us that the film 'Contains natural nudity'. Well, thank heavens, because there's nothing we dislike more than fake nudity.I make a dental appointment!Earlier in the day I double check the time the receptionist gave me: 2.30pm. Tooth-hurty. Yep, life imitating art. Well,

PR advice

2007-06-26T14:26:00.000+01:00

Tom's of Maine deodorant. I can't recommend it highly enough. Especially the calendula one. Your 'pits smell divine in a subtle, organic, not too in yer face sort of a way.And hey! It's aluminium-free!It was one of those moments. Perusing the toiletries aisle of Waitrose, ripe for a change of deodorant and ooh! There's one without alumiunum. Bingo! But...but...so I've been smearing and spraying a

My regal breakfasting habits

2007-06-25T13:27:00.000+01:00

I tell ya, it's a real bugger to change the batteries in the Roberts radio the Queen and I both own. I betcha Her Majesty has some lackey to change hers.Clearly I need a butler. P'rhaps then I'd also have my cereal neatly dispensed into Tupperware containers.

Sacrifice your vanity for the sake of our planet

2007-06-16T18:30:00.000+01:00

In Elizabethan times, it was cool to have skin as white as snow and people were forever dusting their faces with talcum powder or such like*. Cool because it meant you weren't a peasant and didn't have to work in the fields. Same goes for modern day China and India, where women prefer to paint their faces with cosmetic bleach. Mmmm!Latterly, it was cool to have a tan. Cool because it meant you

Plant-related ponderings

2007-06-10T22:34:00.000+01:00

[A garden centre on the outskirts of Edinburgh.]UC: Wotcha buying, honey?Mr Chick: Some rocket seeds and a couple of plants for the raised beds.UC: Oh. What are those two?Mr Chick: That's a hebe and that one's a hosta.UC: Right.*******UC: If we have more babies and it's twins again, how about we call them Hebe and Hosta?Mr Chick: Eh?UC: What d'you reckon? Hebe and Hosta Chickadee*.Mr Chick: Um, I

How to buff up your ego

2007-06-07T18:14:00.000+01:00

Join an online community. Offer advice on every subject under the sun about which you have merest ounce of knowledge.In the past thirty days, I have proferred what (little) wisdom I have on the following topics:Recipes that use asapargus and haloumi cheeseTourist destinations in TurkeyCoping with regression in potty trainingDress codes for funeralsHow to treat garden furniture*The unsuitability

Chicken and egg

2007-06-05T13:30:00.000+01:00

Did chicklet #1 start talking like Lola ("I am not doing it...not ever...never...I am not doing it! Definitely!") because we've been reading and watching Charlie and Lola a lot lately or is the way Lola speaks an accurate reflection of the speech patterns of pre-schoolers?

Ladies, gentlemen, members of the Academy

2007-05-31T14:35:00.000+01:00

*flaps hands around in front of eyes in a bid to hold back the tears in the style of Hollywood actress with a face-ful of stage make-up*I'm a nominee! For the prestigious Tenuous Connections Award! I don't know what to say...*sniffs*...truly it is an honour simply to be nominated and to be in such fine company ("I kept David Essex waiting while I had a wee" and "Stalking Kim Wilde caused me

Wanted: bras and banned books

2007-05-29T18:57:00.000+01:00

Because we are Clean Air Act approved to burn ANYDARNTHING in our woodburning stove. (Bear with me whilst I hack to pieces some metallic effect Ikea Billy shelves. Hey, it's chilly in da Burgh tonight. Needs must.)

In conversation with Nature

2007-05-28T13:52:00.000+01:00

[In a campsite somewhere near the Kyle of Lochalsh]UC: Man, is this rain and wind EVER going to stop?Nature: [laughing] Um, nope?UC: [indignant] I swear those are 80mph gusts and not 40mph ones like it said on the BBC website!Nature: Em Pee Aitch? I'll give you Em Pee Aitch, sista! [whoosh] Besides, I laugh in the face of the Bee Bee See website. I snigger at the efforts of the Meteorological

Feeding the habit

2007-05-10T14:24:00.000+01:00

My Mary Jane habit.(Still, it's cheaper than crack.)

Tools of the devil

2007-05-06T20:55:00.000+01:00

Eyebrow plucking. Why? Why do this? What is it with the whole plucking them into oblivion thing? What is it with the plucking them into oblivion and then drawing them back in thing? Whither the appeal of the permanently surprised look? Many a natural beauty has been spoilt - and many an unnatural beauty obliterated - by over-plucking.Let us weigh up the evidence:The case for over-pluckingPammy:

Oh, I've seen it all now

2007-05-03T22:19:00.000+01:00

Yesterday's episode of The Apprentice.Katie (university-educated, self-professed 'alpha female') and Paul (former Army lieutenant) try to sell pork sausages.To a butcher.A Muslim butcher.During Ramadan.

How to uncover a phenomenon

2007-04-27T21:20:00.000+01:00

1. Be a journalist. Partiuclarly one who is young and overly eager to please the editor of an otherwise waning publication.2. Make a random observation during your lunch break.Example #1: Athena, darling? D'you see those two women having lunch over there? Yes, the ones wearing pashminas, knocking back a bottle of Bolly. They've got four kids and two live-in nannies apiece and spend their days

What I miss about remunerated employment

2007-04-25T14:26:00.000+01:00

I know it's silly but you know what? I miss brainstorming sessions. That chance at work when you could throw up any ludicrous nonsense in a bid to show your boss just how far outside of the box you could think.'Yah, but...what if cold fusion as a reliable form of energy became a reality? How would that impact on the way we worked? Huh? Huh?'(I was actually at a brainstorm when this came up as an

My inner prejudices stripped bare

2007-04-13T20:58:00.000+01:00

I love a regional accent, me. Scouse, Geordie, Brummie, Weegie. Heck, I can even accept a Welshman's 'perfoom' (when everyone knows it should be 'perf-yoom'). I applaud the increasing absence of RP from our airwaves (although I harbour some affection for Celia Johnson's 'heppily merried woman'). But I realised earlier this week that when it comes to the accents of airline pilots, I like 'em

Time to take five

2007-04-07T22:09:00.000+01:00

The Noisy Bird by Anita Klein(Later, 'gators!)

The transformation is complete*

2007-03-29T22:23:00.000+01:00

I have become Motherhen. As she was circa the summer of 1977.'Gosh, aren't they comfy, Pam? And you wouldn't think it, would you, what with them being wooden!'Gotta love Dr Scholl. (Although I note that he has since dropped the 'Dr' bit. Perhaps like The Poo Lady, he was shamed into admitting his pretendy PhD by the Super Duper Rumbler of Bad Science Ben Goldacre.)Anyhoo. It pleases me no end

Full circle

2007-03-25T22:03:00.000+01:00

You're born. You're pretty slow by the standards of the animal kingdom to achieve independence. So you dote on your omnipresent, all-providing parents ('I love oo, mummy'). You cling to their trouser legs. You think it very clever that they know how to get all the way to north Devon from Scotland for your annual summer holiday. You think some of the jokes they tell are funny. Then your hormones

How to get a new career: Step One

2007-03-21T21:19:00.000Z

Get some business cards printed. Give one to your parents*. (Yip. Still got 249 left to hand out. Phew.)* who, if they're anything like mine, will immediately stick it on the pinboard in their kitchen, pointing it out to visiting friends: 'Do you see? She's going to be a taxidermist!'

Secret societies

2007-03-15T21:29:00.000Z

A friend invites the chicklets and me to lunch.The kids scoot off to play, whilst my friend starts to assemble the lunch things on the obligatory garishly-coloured plastic Ikea plates.Then, in a hushed tone, she approaches me waving a multi-pack of Hula Hoops under my nose.'Have they...? Do you...? Is it...?'She shuffles around nervously and looks down at her feet.Uh-oh. She thinks I am One Of

What a £5,280-a-term education buys you

2007-03-06T12:17:00.001Z

What life has taught me (Part One)

2007-03-03T22:35:00.000Z

1. That when you find a pair of jeans that make your bum look small, thighs look thin and your muffin top non-existent, embrace them as you would a long lost relative. And buy five pairs. (Maybe six.)2. That there is more to life than the perfect pair of jeans. (Bitter? Me?)3. That a pussy bow can detract attention from most unsightly body parts.4. If you're Kate Moss (and have no unsightly body

Nah, never the touch the stuff...

2007-02-25T21:03:00.000Z

A campaigning role

2007-02-23T16:06:00.000Z

I don't care if he's hugging a horse. Or appearing in some high-falutin' West End production. In my world, Daniel Radcliffe has small, round spectacles and NO PUBIC HAIR.Urban Chick, Humble Blogger and Founder of the Keep Daniel Radcliffe Pre-Pubescent Campaign

Sometimes I'd like to be American

2007-02-14T22:00:00.001Z

just so I could say 'you do the math!' and 'awesome!' without people laughing at me.

Dragged into the 21st century

2007-02-14T21:50:00.000Z

kicking and screaming.Most unceremonious.I have been resisting upgrading my blog despite a barrage of 'go on, you know you want to' type messages from Google.I was only planning to scribble a few pathetic lines apologising for the lack of postings lately and before I knew it, some giant letters appeared on the screen saying 'WE ARE GOING TO UPGRADE THIS BLOG' (you Luddite).So the deed is done and

For the love of Kevin Spacey!*

2007-02-02T18:30:00.000Z

A few years ago I surreptitiously slipped this new-fangled phrase into my daily conversations in the vain hope that it would quickly become common parlance and trip regularly off the tongues of hoi polloi everywhere. (And hoi polloi are everywhere, doncha find? Everydamnwhere.)So far, I can report that it has been entered the lexicon of...Motherhen.* a secular alternative of sorts (Motherhen

It seemed important to establish this

2007-01-28T22:49:00.000Z

You Are the Very Gay Peppermint Patty!Softball is the huge tipoff here...As well as a "best friend" who loves to call her "sir"What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

Beholden to my lord and master

2007-01-24T21:45:00.000Z

I emailed (nay, gmailed) a friend this evening to suggest we might have lunch next Thursday. No sooner had I hit 'send' than a little box popped up on the right sayingWould you like to...Add to calendarlunch - looks as good ...Thu Feb 1, 2007"...come over here for lunch - next thursday looks as good as any...is that good for you?" are the words I used in my email.Holy cow! And underneath is

Yoga (level: intermediate/highly competitive)

2007-01-22T22:32:00.000Z

It's a New Year (sort of) (shhhhh - don't jinx it) Resolution type of a thing.Yoga classes.Although, I'm not new to yoga. Oh no. 'So, has anyone here done yoga before?'[Enthusiastic show of hands.]Me: 'Yes, a few years ago. But I'm not sure what type!' [I hoped it was the type that Madonna does, but that's not what I asked when I signed up.]Teacher B is sooooooooooo, well, y'know: Zen.He's lithe

Confessional

2007-01-20T22:29:00.000Z

I thought it was something everyone did.I thought it was normal. Acceptable. Run of the proverbial mill.I can't remember how it came out, but it was my mother who rumbled me.People, I hold my hands up: I am a sheet slut.We, Mr Chick and I, we've always wanted our nearest and dearest to feel that they can drop by any time to be welcomed with a hot meal, some mindless banter, a bed for the

A little wisdom from my inner hippie

2007-01-17T21:19:00.000Z

Practices unpleasant

2007-01-04T19:40:00.000Z

Whatever your views about the blog Girl With A One Track Mind and her naivety (or not) at not having anticipated being outed when the book of her blog was published, the manner of her outing (courtesy of that shitty little excuse for a newspaper The Sunday Times) was pretty unpleasant.It must have taken immense restraint to resist the urge to publish it before now, but Abby has just posted the

Happy Hogmanay from Edinburgh...

2006-12-31T17:54:00.000Z

This was the view from Princes Street at 3pm today. The sky was amazing. But I don't envy the revellers now: it's blustery and threatening to rain again.Far better to bring in the New Year snuggled up at home. (And better still, sleep through the midnight chimes in blissful ignorance.)Happy New Year! (And happy birthday, Peter.)

Things

2006-12-23T21:51:00.000Z

I've tried it before. I've tried announcing at year end that next year will be The Year Of No More Things. Friends and relatives roll their eyes. Yeah right, you can hear them think.You say that now but wait until the lure of the January sales. Or the chicklets' birthday. Or doing the weekly shop without sashaying into the clothes/books/household goods section of the supermarket.But I feel

Why this blog must remain anonymous

2006-12-20T22:04:00.000Z

We've decided to worry about bird flu again.A former bird flu government minister has said he's worried that the foreign companies with whom the UK government has 'sleeping contracts' for the vaccine won't end up handing over the goods when it comes to the crunch.'The crunch' being: a pandemicky type of scenario.On account of European competition laws, we were not allowed to just give contracts

Channelling my inner Nigella (it ain't workin')

2006-12-12T20:52:00.000Z

I am in the midst of a Mad Baking Frenzy right now.Yesterday morning it was Christmas biscuits (see above).Yesterday evening it was Dutch Apple Cake (recipe from this blogger).And this afternoon it was No Bake Banana Cheesecake (technically not 'baking' then).Did you see how dismally my Adventures In Food Colouring went? Snot green, when what I was aiming for was forest green and tomato red, when

Too cute

2006-12-11T20:36:00.000Z

It's heartening to know that there are those who get here after scouring the internet for things other than 'defecating women' and 'gorgeous 36f breasts'.Following an edict from Kofi, no doubt, some UN official had cause to Google 'plural of referendum' and ended up here on my blog.As (s)he discovered, I was equally clueless. Something about gerunds. (United Nations)New York, New York, United

Vexed

2006-12-10T20:22:00.000Z

...that I cared so much what the guy who painted our house thinks of us....that this led Mr Chick and I to move away from our Wall Colour Comfort Zone (of off-white, kinda yellowish but not in the canary sense) headlong into the arms of a colour from the Dulux Georgian range with a name* resembling a woman whose 'profession' is somewhat unclear unless 'current/previous main squeeze of Jude Law'

Ode to Jon Snow

2006-11-30T21:41:00.000Z

My evenings ceased to be a boreWhen editors at Channel FourDecided to remove your desk.(Some viewers thought it quite grotesque.)Not me, for I was thrilled to seeYour legs, your socks, your shin, your knee.And gosh, you’re tall! And silver-haired!Those funky ties! Oh how I staredAt you the only time we’ve met.Awestruck, I broke out in a sweat.Later we met outside the loo.I couldn’t think quite

Chicklets submit Turner prize entry

2006-11-27T20:48:00.000Z

Title of sculpture: The HedgehogArtists: Chicklet #1 and Chicklet #2Materials used: toolbox, garden canes, blankets, mittens, hats, old towel.*******"Tell me more about your methods.""We work as a team," said Chicklet #1. "I take overall responsibility for the process whilst my brother sources the materials.""I'm told that you later added some rolled up pieces of newspaper. Can you tell me why

Excuses excuses...

2006-11-12T12:25:00.000Z

Cardboard boxes (emptying and disposal thereof).Paint* fumes (clinically established side effects of persistent inhalation include severe aversion to emptying and disposal of cardboard boxes). Multiple trips to B&Q. Shed erection project management responsibilities (hampered by inclement weather conditions and uncooperative workforce). Somewhat unreliable and intermittent broadband access on

For the love of diced innards

2006-11-01T21:46:00.000Z

It was a close shave.I was that close to becoming an accessory to a most heinous crime: the brutal and random murder of innocent vegetarians perusing aisles 2-5 in my local supermarket.My mistake? A willingness to agree just a little too heartily with the views of total strangers in a bid to engender improved human relations. Oh, and popping back to the refridgerated aisle for a Macsween's haggis

As if further evidence was needed...

2006-10-24T12:55:00.000+01:00

Like I said: frizzy hair is the new social disease. (I mean, if fairies aren't allowed to have frizzy hair, what hope is there for the rest of us?)

Shock horror probe

2006-10-23T19:44:00.000+01:00

A public figure PASSES COMMENT.The comment is considered IN CONTEXT.The community about whom the comment is made gives a MEASURED RESPONSE.The Daily Mail FAILS TO MAKE MENTION of the 'incident'.(A nation YAWNS.)*******Fear not: this is not about to become one of those blogs that subsists merely on daily postings of Youtube videos. Oh no. It's much worse than that. This blog will pretend to be

Busy busy busy

2006-10-19T13:55:00.000+01:00

Warm stone or pale sienna? Warm stone or pale sienna? Warm stone or pale sienna? It's just one world-rocking decision after another...But on an unrelated note, watch this:

Monetary madness

2006-10-13T13:18:00.000+01:00

We're preparing to buy a house which means that truly insane amounts of money are hurtling through cyberspace as I type.I mean, it's just a matter of days before the Dow Jones plummets into oblivion owing to the climate of uncertainty created by the movement of the sum of our life's savings. So, SELL NOW, people. If nothing else, this gives you the opportunity to bark 'sell! sell!' into your

It's so wearing being Scottish

2006-10-09T17:49:00.001+01:00

Y'know...having to hate the English.having to pretend to know the words to 'Flower of Scotland'.having to sound sympathetic when visitors moan incessantly about the weather.I was thinking it'd be more fun to be Irish but then Bono doesn't seem to smile much. Well, ever, in fact.*******Also from this series: why it's no fun being British or northern European.

For red-blooded women everywhere

2006-09-27T20:37:00.000+01:00

It was kinda embarrassing having to ask Mr Chick to get down on his hands and knees each day. (Well, only kinda.)If I'm honest, I rather enjoyed the position of servitude it implied.But then I rummaged through my wardrobe and found this.A gift from my dear, enlightened friend Mark.It's funny the things that gained appeal during pregnancy...I mean, dammit, it's not easy to get into your work

Razorgate

2006-09-26T13:33:00.000+01:00

It doesn't exactly surprise me to learn this but the weaker sex have been at the receiving end of yet more pain and suffering.And the people who are supposed to help are only just coming clean.Listen up, sisters!Despite being told that they were being provided with products which were 'the best a man can get', it seems our menfolk have been quietly putting up with sub-standard razors which put

Lesson in life: procrastination pays

2006-09-24T13:28:00.000+01:00

Have you done your History revision? I'll do it tomorrow.Did you book that dental appointment? Not yet - what's the hurry?Isn't mid June a little late to be planting tomato seeds? Hey! I have faith in the Scottish weather!*******So.They didn't ripen.So?So!They made a wicked green tomato chutney, so give over already!

The 'cool at school' formula unpicked

2006-09-17T22:10:00.000+01:00

[Clearly, I am talking about coolness amongst the female pupils. Large bosoms were not a 'cool' quotient in the male pupils. Well, not mostly.]

Straight hair is the new safe sex

2006-09-14T07:42:00.000+01:00

Back in my day, the toilets in student buildings had condom machines.Maybe some overpriced sanitary wear.But always three-packs of novelty condoms.And now? Not a flavoured Durex in sight.Huh?Well, it seems that frizzy hair is the new social disease.The good people at Beautiful Vending tell us more:"We all know how frustrating the British weather can be, the rain, wind and even the heat can cause

Yet more vicarious footwear thrills

2006-09-10T13:50:00.000+01:00

Warning: navy blue Mary Janes can be habit-forming.

Ode to Ed Stourton

2006-09-08T13:34:00.000+01:00

Ed Stourton, Ed Stourton -Have you ever shopped in Burton?Your plummy tones suggestYour suits are double breast.Ed Stourton, Ed Stourton -You're tall (of that I'm certain).But taller than Jon Snow?Of that I do not know.Ed Stourton, Ed Stourton -Are you friendly with Paul Merton?He doesn't seem your type(And nor does Michael Stipe).Ed Stourton, Ed Stourton -Your voice seeps through my curtain.As

Irked

2006-09-07T11:47:00.000+01:00

I've always been a (conscious and conscientious) objector to the whole ninety nine pence thing. Y'know, the whole 'well, if we make it £19.99, no-one will really realise that it's actually twenty quid, because paying twenty-something quid for [insert name of unnecessary consumer item] would create a psychological barrier in the eyes of the potential purchaser' ('yah, yah, Tristan - good point!').

Paid to ask the difficult questions

2006-09-02T13:19:00.000+01:00

The Downing Street morning press briefing from Monday 7 August covered hostilities in the Middle East, the UN's proposals on Iran's development of nuclear weapons and the death of a British soldier in Afghanistan before the Prime Minister's Spokeswoman (PMS*) was questioned on an announcement from the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA):Asked further about DEFRA's fishing

The unsaid

2006-09-01T21:54:00.000+01:00

It's early evening at my corner shop on a Friday night.The man (boy?) in front of me - blonde, faintly tanned, three quarter length shorts in a garish shade of pink doubtless professing his comfortableness with traditionally feminine colours - is wielding a very large bottle of something resembling diluted urine and seven bananas.As the shop assistant swivels this oversized receptacle to flash it

A brief intermission...

2006-08-30T18:45:00.000+01:00

[As it turns out, it was the briefest of intermissions. Ain't that always the way? No sooner do you decide to come clean about your nasty bout of blogger's block than woo! Up pops an idea (or seven) for a new post.]

A Subaltern's Love Song

2006-08-28T22:00:00.000+01:00

Miss J. Hunter Dunn, Miss J. Hunter Dunn,Furnish'd and burnish'd by Aldershot sun,What strenuous singles we played after tea,We in the tournament - you against me!Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy,The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy,With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,How mad I

"You're not sugar - you'll not melt!"*

2006-08-20T21:01:00.000+01:00

We had decided to go to the beach.It started raining before we had even left home.We went anyway.Because we are Scottish.* Motherhen, circa 1974 - present*******Still, wet sand is good for daft beach art...

Little chunks of heaven in a 190g tub

2006-08-15T18:22:00.000+01:00

Available to expat Brits with M&S hankerings here.

Conversations

2006-08-14T12:27:00.000+01:00

[In which Motherhen and I fancy ourselves to be a couple of evolutionary biologists.]Me: You know, it's weird. The chicklets are strangely drawn to tall men.Motherhen: As is your Blonde Niece. Funny, isn't it?Me: And it's men with whom they have minimal contact (namely J and M), but as soon as they appear on the scene, they're all: I want to see J! I want to play with M!Motherhen: 'Tis indeed

Self-knowledge

2006-08-13T21:09:00.000+01:00

Things I am learning about myself after reading Getting Things Done:1. I can't Get Things Done when I'm wearing my nightie. Nightie spells slouching. It has become clear that in order to be professional and efficient, I need to have my bosoms strapped down (and circulation to my midriff reduced) and be wearing socks. My efficiency in all things organisational is doubly enhanced when I am wearing

Irony (but not as Alanis knows it)

2006-08-06T17:03:00.000+01:00

I have so much to do (besides eating five portions of fruit and vegetables, making a positive contribution to the life of this planet and reapplying the nail polish on my toenails). Yes, I am busy, people.But before I attempt to do any of it, Mr Chick insists that I read this.(It's practically a religion, y'know.)*******However, first things first: must share link (pinched from the lovely Betty)

Fugly*, but ohsocomfortable

2006-08-01T20:45:00.000+01:00

My secret is out: all my favourite shoes are from Clarks. This pair were in the sale. They exist in pea green (ooh) but not in my size (boo).So, black it is (again).Still, at least in these, I'm unlikely to become just another statistic...* WWHAJS?

My dream last night

2006-07-30T21:41:00.000+01:00

I was at the dentist's.With Mel Gibson.He was getting kinda flirty.I was not overly impressed (as far as I am concerned, MG is ick ick ick - sorry, ladies...just can't see his appeal).But I remember thinking: man, is this bloggable!!!!!!!!!!Oh, and: whoa there! He just said 'sux'* not 'seeeeeeeks'.Mel is a New Zealander masquerading as an Australian! Wah!It's Russell Crowe all over again...[Then

The faintest whiff of desperation - do you smell it?

2006-07-26T21:21:00.000+01:00

I make no secret of it: I'm a little lacking in the friends' department just now.My nearest and dearest chums are still in The Big Smoke (although I am working on enticing at least one, if not two of them up north).I mentioned to one of these friends, whilst we were chatting online the other day, my concern that there was an air of desperation about my interactions with other human beings just

Cute shiny thing! Cute shiny thing!

2006-07-25T13:03:00.000+01:00

Unable to compete with Pashmina's recent haul at an Orla Kiely sample sale, I bring you instead the cheapest and cheerfulest alternative from TK Maxx: a Nick and Nora toiletry bag.Ooooh.(It's awf'lly capacious too. Not to mention painfully inexpensive.)

Red hot tip for a great night out in Londontown!

2006-07-24T12:50:00.000+01:00

What? Star FolliesCome again? The most original and fantastic thing I have ever done of an evening in Londontown. It's live karaoke of sorts, but to sheet music and with live accompaniment. Time Out described it as "Imaginative...hilarious...a cross between Hainault Place Bingo Hall and Carshalton Beaches Amateur Dramatic Society!"Huh? Truly, it's a special and magical evening, made so by the

About me

2006-07-21T12:30:00.000+01:00

Yes, me. Me and this blog.What's it all about?Well, I'm not telling you. You'll have to work it out for yourselves.But...My editorial policyAnything goes. Except some things. And other things. And those things. God, no-one needs to know about those things. *shivers*My comments policyGuilt. I admire the lovely bloggers who welcome new commenters and respond to each comment in turn (except when

Such a large roofbox

2006-07-21T12:24:00.000+01:00

for such a small man.

Skills audit

2006-07-19T22:39:00.000+01:00

I've been polishing up my CV lately. Not sure why, really. But it gives Mr Chick the semblance of an impression that one day I will (might) re-enter (possibly) the world of (deep breaths) Remunerated Employment.I know these days it's just not good enough to state your 'O' Grade results and a list of all the people who saw fit to pay you to surf the internet and nip out for coffees and bitch about

Emotionally drained

2006-07-17T21:08:00.000+01:00

That's what a visit to the Highlands does for a girl.Well, a girl like me.(Nay. Woman. Who am I kidding?)You see, I am moved by hand signals.That special language that drivers have.That 'thank you for letting me zip past as you sit patiently in the Passing Place lay-by' hand sign. Or the reciprocal 'oh, really! it was no trouble - thank you! please do have a pleasant day!'.Or the hand out of the

Thank heavens for

2006-07-11T22:23:00.000+01:00

Piriton Allergy.According to their latest advertising campaign, a godforsaken 100,000 Britons suffer from an allergy to artificial fingernails and a devastating (presumably halitosis-ridden) 226,000 Britons are allergic to 'breath spray'.So one can only be grateful for the existence of a "brand [that] has the power to treat more allergies" in a world where "people can develop an allergy to just

Thus spake a wise (young) bird

2006-07-09T22:38:00.000+01:00

Namely Motherhen.'How much do you think Posh Spice spends on having her hair extensions redone every three months?', Motherhen asked, as we kept half an eye on the (yawn) World (it's only a game) Cup (whatever) Final.'Dunno - three hundred quid?', said I.'No! FIFTEEN HUNDRED POUNDS!', she replied gleefully.'Oh, forgoodnesssake...and they look ridiculous!''Exactly!' carped Motherhen. 'I mean, why

Competition for deep-fried Mars Bars

2006-07-06T18:27:00.000+01:00

Irn Bru sorbet*.Yes, really.It's what's slipping down the throats of the Edinburgh Elite these balmy summer days, courtesy of this fine establishment.* it's the orange mush wedged between humdrum lemon and common-or-garden kiwi

A good start. Shows promise but could try harder.

2006-07-06T13:39:00.000+01:00

So Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty might just be a campaign in the dictionary-defined sense after all (and not just a cynical bid to flog deodorant and moisturiser).Using 'real' women (with curves and cellulite and freckles and everything!) in their adverts is to be lauded, but I was starting to wonder what made it a 'campaign'. Anyhoo, today I spotted an ad in a woman's glossy for the Dove

Has Michelle Pfeiffer been canonised?

2006-07-04T14:16:00.000+01:00

How else to explain the droves of people who got here after searching for 'how to get defined cheek bones'?And can I take the countless individuals searching for 'cropped cardigans' as an indication of what will appear on the catwalks of Milan and Paris in the near future?However I've no interest in researching any further the people who came here looking for '36F breasts' and 'G-cup breasts

My bosoms, again (sorry)

2006-07-02T13:09:00.000+01:00

It's a (medically recognised) chronic affliction: the inability to buy a bra that meets my bosom-related needs.I've been to the people who (we are led to believe) measure the Royal bosoms and left a three-figure sum lighter, with two otherwise unremarkable bras which brought about reduced circulation to my midriff.I've done the cheap'n'cheerful grab-’em-and-go two-packs from Next.I've bought bras

Cue: steam emitting from both ears

2006-07-02T12:36:00.000+01:00

Is blogging from a laptop whilst sitting on the lootawdry?the perfect solution to Mary Dejevsky's assertion that 'women are too busy to blog'? Free polls from Pollhost.comToo cross to explain any further. Simply advise that you head over to Patroclus' place to be properly enlightened.

Never did need any money

2006-06-30T21:12:00.000+01:00

Everything was milk and honey...['Oh, what a good thing we had' by Johnny Cash. Best enjoyed as a duet with June Carter Cash on this CD.]

It's all very The Good Life

2006-06-27T21:05:00.000+01:00

Yes, the inevitable has happened. We've quit the big city (for a smaller, but equally culturally well-endowed one - in another country) amidst all the usual mutterings of 'appalling pollution levels, bad schools, water shortages, expensive haircuts'. C'mon: you've seen people like us on Relocation Relocation Relocation Relocation Relocation (Revisited).Phil nods sympathetically, whilst clenching

To which there is no right answer

2006-06-23T11:29:00.000+01:00

"Do you think I look better with make-up on?"(Poor Mr Chick.)

Getting reacquainted with the mother tongue

2006-06-20T20:50:00.000+01:00

It's funny the things you forget.I had plain forgotten some of the linguistic nuances that are to be found in the motherland. Things like:'Whereabouts do you stay?'Rough translation: 'Where do you live (permanently)?''Dinnae fash!'Rough translation: 'Don't get yourself in a bother!'[OK, I'll admit that no-one I know says either phrase, but some people I've overheard in shops do.]And then I was in

A monstrous carbuncle

2006-06-19T21:20:00.000+01:00

Since returning to the motherland, I have developed the most stupendous multi-headed whitehead on my chin.I have a few theories as to the meaning of its existence:1. These are the last of the London-induced toxins being expelled from my body, as my pores suck in clean air for the first time in a decade.2. The God in whom I do not believe is playing some abominable trick: leave the motherland as a

Sunset from Waterloo Bridge (west)

2006-06-04T20:34:00.000+01:00

Sunset from Waterloo Bridge (east)

2006-06-04T20:33:00.000+01:00

London as illustrated by

2006-06-04T19:36:00.000+01:00

the first names of the consultants who cared for me and the chicklets before and after their arrival in the world:SajidKyprosKaluShakeelHilaliI daren't even start on the nurses.Eat that, anti-immigration Daily Mail readers!

You comment, I pay!

2006-05-11T17:01:00.000+01:00

The ever-resourceful Katie of Scentzilla and Seldom Nice Nowadays has pulled together a group of bloggers for what she hopes will become a regular fundraising event.This year it coincides with Mother's Day in the USA and the idea is that we bloggers try and use it as an opportunity to raise money for charity. (Katie explains her thinking over here, so have a read.)Basically, for every individual

Stuff? Got too much of it...

2006-05-06T13:01:00.000+01:00

It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly.Ain't it the truth, Bertrand.*sighs*

So if I'm not supposed to be blogging

2006-05-02T11:21:00.000+01:00

I can at the least post a painting done by my sister Monica, right?She's terribly talented and needs a kick up the proverbial to leave her small children to wreak havoc whilst she paints some more of these. (Particularly as I would like a watercolour or two to adorn the walls of my new house.)And whilst we're on the subject, go and check out Laurelines, because I love her stuff too.(Quite bossy,

Do not underestimate the therapeutic quality

2006-04-30T13:25:00.000+01:00

of dancing in your living room to music which reminds you of your youth.There I was in my skin-tight striped jeans, batwing jumper, legwarmers and pixie boots with my layered fringe swept off to one side dreaming of spandex leotards and dancing around fountains with some of my classmates at the New York School for the Performing Arts.And, of course, I am now bringing the music to a whole new